When you think you see the light at the end of the tunnel, don’t relax… it might be an oncoming train heading your way. These were words that highly resonated with me four years ago as I was sitting at a church service one afternoon. You see, I looked like I had it all together. I was being invited to all kinds of speaking engagements and being interviewed for my self-help program called “Get Naked” while inside I was going through constant turmoil. Yes, a strong woman like me had fallen victim to an abusive relationship and had lost my values to the point that I was merely smiling to get through the day while inside I was slowly dying. My journey, although very painful has been my biggest blessing and in hindsight the reason I was able to dodge the many trains that have come my way. Of course, metaphorically speaking parts of me were dying with every fight, every time I let the relationship dim my light, every time I used a substance to tame my pain, and every time I let the worse of me come out to defend my sad situation.
Hoping this glimpse into my awful journey will reinforce your faith that troubles in life can help transform us into our ideal self. Yes, one of the many evenings I spent sitting on my bathroom floor, holding back the door and hiding from his temper I asked myself WHY?? Knowing what I knew, teaching what I did, and living what I was living, how could I keep myself and my kids in that horrific environment? It is easy to see now but was not then. For GET NAKED was being promoted as the system I developed to be able to thrive in that same toxic relationship, how could I admit I wasn’t getting really naked with myself or admit I couldn’t change it? And even as I was changing myself I couldn’t survive one more fight. I was slowly dying with every argument, every moment he would scream at me, every bad comment during our dinner time, every disapproving look which I knew so well. How?
I learned that every fight was helping me see the truth, every abusive exchange was teaching me something that no university could have taught me. The lower I fell down the more I knew deep within me that there was a reason beyond my comprehension to explain this madness and that swimming through the storm was my only way through.
I had a big speaking engagement on the very topic I was going through. I was about to be on the most prestigious stage of my chiropractic profession and he decided to come with me. Get Naked was getting so much traction and I felt like a fraud, the day came, I got up on that stage and as I was looking straight at him it just clicked, I had to GET NAKED myself and let go of that toxic relationship that no matter what I did was not going to be changed. The hard realization came that my many talents were never going to change him or us. I also knew that It was just as painful to leave him as to stay with him; there was no easy solution here. Like one coach once told me, you are either in the pain or IN THE PAIN–we suffer now, or we suffer later. I didn’t do so well on that talk.
My journey hasn’t been all success as my smile might deceived you into believing. My journey is flawed and full of bumps but it is the reason I am so different today and writing this with the purpose of sparking the light in you to live your best life and make the hard choices to move you there. I got off that stage and asked him for a divorce. It was a painful flight back home from Chicago as he kept pinching my legs for he was so mad. I knew then, however, that I was at peace with myself, and knew there was going to be a painful road ahead–another divorce. I knew that facing the music publicly was not going to be pretty, but I also knew it was the only way to not fully drown the music in my soul. What came after that decision were the worst two months of my life. I never knew that making the right decision was going to be so painful. For almost two months I barely slept, I drank a lot and was crying at the drop of button. My two kids were my rock that kept prompting me to get up and get through it; it wasn’t easy and tested my every cell to the point that I felt I couldn’t breathe from the pain. My Naked system of journaling, meditating and following my WHY were helping me keep going, although barely. My physical health was being affected for I was rarely eating anything of substance, I was not sleeping and instead doing substances that were detrimental to my innate intelligence. I would laugh inside when people would tell me “this too shall pass”, and quickly realized that it was like being addicted to a drug and I had to confront every single one of my demons and heal from the inside out.
Yes, this was me 3 1/2 years ago and I can fully say today that it was my best gift and the lessons learned would shape my life forever and impact all those I get to teach, coach, inspire and help build their best life. Yes, I got NAKED and it was painful and like everything of worth it in life, it wasn’t easy. I realize that everything worth doing is worth suffering a bit for, and no I am not a victim or a martyr. I took my life back, redefined my values and purpose and now live with the knowledge that true love has always been within. Honoring that realization, will bring me all that I wish, long for as well as help me help others. I learned how to find true love and how to make my relationships my most precious possession, starting with the one looking back at me in the mirror. YES, I found my true light at the end of the tunnel and became my own light house to follow and keep transforming into my best version.
Today, my office patients and my coaching clients are benefiting from my journey and that makes it all worth it, I am healthier mind, body and spirit because of my hell and I thrive in helping others find their true version of happiness.